Your friends are not your fans. I think it’s important that people understand that no matter what your business endeavor is, if you’re planning on doing something new, innovative, fresh, build an app, you know, conquer the world, make music, whatever that thing is, stop worrying about what your friends say. I think what you’re gonna find is in life is, and it’s kind of cold to say, but the truth is: most people don’t care. Most people want to see you fail. And I think if you spend too much time worrying about what others think it’s going to stagnate you it’s going to hold you back.
You know, there’ve been times in my job where I’ve held back from saying things on the show. Fear of rocking the boat at work, you know? But now that I’ve switched positions and I’m not calling the shots anymore, it’s like a weight off my shoulders. I’ve always made it clear that my views on the show are just that—my views. Nothing to do with my job. Moving forward, I’m done stressing about what others might think of me. No more “what ifs” holding me back. It’s been stifling, and it’s time to break free from that.
Circling back to what I was saying—your friends, your coworkers, they’re not your biggest fans. It’s not that they don’t want you to succeed, but they’re too close to see the big picture. They know you inside out, and that can cloud their judgment. I remember back when I was hustling in the music scene, people would joke about hometown rappers still chasing their dreams. Yeah, I spent a lot of time on my own music, maybe too much. Looking back objectively, some of it wasn’t top-notch. Sure, the lyrics were shaky, but the musicality was evolving. I recently revisited one of my old tracks, and while it’s not a masterpiece, it shows progress. It’s a reminder of the journey, inching closer to that Malcolm Gladwell “10,000 hours” milestone of mastery.
I’m big on following inspirational YouTubers myself, like Humphrey Yang. His finance show? Stellar. Recently, he was dishing out advice on making it big on YouTube, podcasting, you name it. His secret sauce? Consistency. “You gotta show up, even when you don’t feel like it.” It really resonated with me, especially in the context of what I’ve been saying about finding your audience. Remember, your audience isn’t necessarily your pals—they’ll find you when the time’s right.
You know how it goes—when you gather a bunch of friends, there’s usually one thing that binds you all together, right? For me, it used to be CrossFit back when I was coaching at a gym. That was our glue. But if you dig deeper into our lives—our jobs, relationships, all that—you’ll see we’re a diverse bunch. It’s that one common thread that keeps us tight-knit: CrossFit.
So, when you shoot them an invite to check out your podcast, what happens? They’re like, “Cool, dude.” But let’s be real, most of them won’t care let alone become your die-hard fans. Now, don’t get me wrong, not everyone’s the same. There’s my buddy Jay Federline. He’s a standout among standouts, the real deal. No matter what life throws at you, Jay’s got your back. Seriously, he’s the epitome of loyalty. I can guarantee you, he’ll be tuning into this podcast. I’d bet all the bourbon in my closet on it. He’ll shoot me a text the moment he sees it: “Oh, shit, the podcast is backup dude!” But Jay’s the exception to the rule.
Let me tell you, throughout my life, I’ve dabbled in all sorts of creative shit. Back in high school, I cooked up this pirate newspaper idea inspired by the movie “Pump Up the Volume.” Got me into a load of trouble, but you know what? Everyone was into it. Why? Because nobody knew who the hell was behind it. But once word got out, it split folks into two camps: those who dug it and those who said, “Eff that, eff him, eff the whole thing.”
Same story when I started making music. Some folks were like, “Yeah, you’re doing your thing,” but others were quick to dismiss it. Even my closest buds weren’t feeling it—didn’t vibe with the paper, didn’t vibe with the music. And now, let me be clear, it doesn’t change the fact that you guys are friends. They just don’t see things the way you do. To them, it’s all a bit wild. Most folks, they hear about your ideas or plans, and they write it off as some pipe dream. It’s always, “Oh, you’re trying to do that,” never, “Oh, you’re gonna crush it.” At the end of the day, no one’s gonna believe in you more than yourself.
If you listen to the negative voices around you, like I’ve done countless times, for damn near 30 years of my life, you end up just letting people dictate your path. I’ve been seeking validation left and right, asking, “Is this good? What do you think?” And when I don’t hear back, I take it as a flat-out “no.” And let me tell you, hearing a “no” stings, but hearing a fake “yes”? It’s like a dagger, ’cause then I start questioning the motives. After taking hit after hit all those years—I’ve realized something. I’ve used their voices to tell myself I can’t do this, I can’t do that. But you know what? Enough of that shit.
A solid analogy here is that it’s been a year since I tore my pec muscle, and in that time, I’ve pushed more weight in Olympic lifting than ever before. Why do I mention this? Because when you buckle down and put in the work, progress follows. You gotta block out the noise around you and just grind.
There’s this young dude at my gym, always saying he wants to lift like me and I had to set him straight. I tell him “I’m pushing 40 now, and let me tell you, it ain’t getting any easier. I’m tired as hell most days, but I still show up and get it done.” I told him, “Stop comparing yourself to others.” Remember what The Rock said, “Comparison is the thief of joy.” It’ll only hold you back. Worrying about what your friends think, what they can lift, or what others have—it’s all worthless in the grand scheme. You gotta focus on you, and your progress; plain and simple.
Just like if you stay focused and keep doing what you love, trust me, your audience will come knocking. I made a video that struck a nerve on the old YouTube show. See, the reason I kept it up is because it resonated. It tapped into this sense that people have—you know, that feeling of “you owe me something.” Because really, that’s what it boils down to.
It was about how when a loved one passes away, suddenly everyone’s offering help, right? “Anything you need, just let me know,” they say. But when you actually try to cash in that chip, what happens? Excuses, doubts, and all that jazz. It’s a letdown because you’re depending on others. At the end of the day, you shouldn’t have to rely on anyone else. You shouldn’t have to rely on someone for anything, really. But hey, there are folks out there who genuinely want to lend a hand. You just gotta find them.
Remember what I said? Your friends aren’t necessarily your biggest supporters. They’re not your safety net. You gotta seek out your own tribe. And sometimes that tribe isn’t blood. You know how it goes with family, right? Growing up in a Filipino household, I lost count of how many times my mom shot down my dreams. Every damn thing I tried, she shot down. You could bet on it.
Say I wanted to start a business tomorrow—sure, she’d be on board for a hot minute. But if it didn’t take off as fast as she thought it should, it was like, “Maybe you should try something else.” But this is my passion!” “Yeah, but maybe you’re just not cut out for it,” she’d say. It’s frustrating, you know? There’s a reason there’s an old saying: “Don’t tell anyone about your dreams.” And honestly, they’ve got a point. Keep that shit to yourself and do the damn thing.
I get it, this blog is like me shouting from the rooftops that I’m starting fresh. But I’m done with advertising to anyone. If they stumble upon the podcast, so be it. That’s their journey, not mine. I’m not going to push it on anyone, not gonna force-feed it to my friends. If they find it, cool. If not, their loss.
Sure, I’ll drop it on my socials—I’ve always done that. But half the folks on there don’t even bother with my stories anymore. It’s like, what’s the point? I’ve had friends for years, but when I check who’s tuned into my stuff: crickets. Instead, it’s the lurkers, the ones keeping tabs on my every move. They want the scoop on where I’m headed.
It’s a harsh truth, but people often revel in seeing others stumble. When they’re not doing well themselves, it’s almost like they find solace in your failures. They might even get a kick out of not supporting your endeavors or worse, mocking them. So here’s the deal: focus on being self-sufficient. Stop stressing over who’s cheering you on. Your true audience will find you, trust me on that.
This time around, I’m not pestering my friends with those dreaded Facebook invites. What’s the point? So they can hit mute and forget about it? Nah, not falling for that trap again. After diving into digital marketing for about five years now, and with a total of seven years of experience under my belt, I can say with certainty that it’s hands down one of the dumbest mistakes you can make. Sending out those mass invites to a bunch of people with varying interests? Yeah, don’t do that. Let them find your thing organically. Let them stumble upon it and go, “Damn, this is cool!” and hit that follow button all on their own.
Remember, focusing on what others think will only lead to heartache, hinder your progress, and ultimately lead you to give up. Prioritize yourself and your goals, the rest will come on its own!