This week, I want to dive into a topic that I think a lot of us grapple with at some point in our careers—toxic workplaces. How do you know if the place you’re at is really toxic? Let me take you through my own journey and experiences to help paint the picture.

The Military: A Dog-Eat-Dog World

Coming from a military background, I can tell you that the environment there can feel pretty cutthroat. In the military, it’s often described as “dog-eat-dog,” not because you can’t excel, but because rank often comes with a sense of entitlement. Now, you can come in as an E1, E2, or even higher, depending on your background—maybe you’ve got some college experience or signed up for extra time. And suddenly, you’re thrown into a hierarchy where someone with a slightly higher rank feels superior, even though, realistically, you’re all in the same boat learning the same things.

What makes it feel toxic is that early promotions aren’t necessarily earned through hard work, but rather by staying out of trouble or simply putting in the time. For example, ranks between E1 and E4 are practically given. You earn them by sticking around long enough. But does that truly measure success? I’m not sure.

I started out at the very bottom, an E1 with no stripes, and I worked my way up quickly. Some people, like me, make fast progress, while others just coast along and still get promoted. However, it’s really when you get into those senior non-commissioned officer roles, like E7 or E9, that merit comes into play. And even then, the line between merit and favoritism can get blurry.

The military teaches a “do whatever you’re told” mentality. If someone outranks you, you’re expected to follow orders, no matter the situation. Leaders can, and sometimes do, weaponize their rank to treat others poorly. That’s where the toxicity can really grow, and it’s hard to avoid.

Transitioning to Government Contracts: Same Problems, Different Scene

After my military service, I moved into government contracting—a job that paid well, had plenty of overtime, and seemed like a great opportunity. But it wasn’t without its issues. The tradesmen in the building—boiler engineers, building engineers, etc.—all had a sense of entitlement. And that entitlement often led to hazing new workers, regardless of their experience.

Imagine coming into a job with 15 years of experience under your belt, only to be treated like the lowest person on the totem pole. It’s unnecessary, yet it happens all the time. This toxic culture is fueled by resentment and ego, perpetuating the cycle of poor treatment toward newcomers.

The Business World: A New Kind of Entitlement

Fast forward to my shift into the world of digital marketing—a white-collar job compared to my previous blue-collar roles. This world opened my eyes to a different kind of toxicity. Ironically, some people here view simple direction as entitlement or toxic behavior, when really, it’s just part of doing the job.

For instance, at one company I worked for, we had an extensive training program. Part of that included a “Three Then Me” system, which essentially means you should try to find an answer yourself three times before coming to your manager. It’s a great system for promoting self-sufficiency, but many people found it frustrating. To me, that’s not toxic—that’s just common sense. Yet, some people resist any form of personal initiative and call the system toxic.

Where I see real toxicity is in situations where companies expect more from their employees while offering less in return. You know the type—places that offer pizza parties instead of raises and think they’re doing you a favor. If a job starts consistently eating into your personal time or you’re constantly venting to your significant other about workplace drama, then yes, that’s a sign it’s truly toxic.

Recognizing Real Toxicity

There’s a key distinction I’ve learned between perceived and actual toxicity. When I worked my way up from account manager to senior director, I put in countless hours of hard work, but I was always rewarded—whether with a new title or higher pay. Not everyone had that same experience. Many felt like the road to success was too tough, even though it was clear that those who worked hard were recognized.

The resentment usually comes from people who do the bare minimum and then wonder why they aren’t treated the same as those who go above and beyond. They start to spread negativity, and before you know it, the workplace feels toxic. But in reality, the problem stems from their unwillingness to step up.

The Real Face of a Toxic Workplace

True workplace toxicity happens when the system stops rewarding hard work. It’s when merit gets overshadowed by politics or favoritism, and no matter how much extra effort you put in, it’s never enough. A lot of times, people create their own toxic environment through negativity, especially when they feel entitled to things they haven’t earned.

I’ve seen this play out firsthand—people who never pushed themselves getting upset when others advanced. They’d complain about the “toxic” workplace when, in reality, they just weren’t putting in the effort.

But genuine toxicity is different. It’s when you work hard, do everything right, and still get passed over. It’s when cliques form, and people are treated unfairly based on who they know, not what they contribute.

Final Thoughts: Know the Difference

Before calling your workplace toxic, take a step back and ask yourself if the toxicity is real or just a product of resentment. Are you doing the work, putting in the time, and advocating for yourself? Or are you expecting something for nothing? The answer will tell you a lot about the environment you’re in and whether it’s truly toxic—or if it’s just time to take ownership of your own path.

Toxicity in the workplace is real, but it’s important to distinguish between feeling unappreciated and actual mistreatment. Only when you’re doing all you can and still getting nothing in return can you really call it toxic.